Making changes one step at a time..

I struggle a lot with self identity lately. Well I think I’ve always struggled with it. But there are certainly a lot more times in the recent months where I struggle. Decided I needed a change so I got my hair cut. I hated my style or lack there of so I asked for a layered bob. I kinda wanted a messy looking, free cut & I am pleased with it. What do you think? (The whole two people who might actually be reading this..)

It’s amazing how something so simple as a haircut can make you experience a feeling of freedom. Or even just like a moment of control over your own life. Plus the gifts to your own self esteem are priceless. I am taking small steps to improve my life, improve my view of my life & the general feeling that I have of my life.

Most people who know me might be surprised that I struggle so much. I think some would assume I am happy-go-lucky, carefree. I have my moments of that, but I have to say I am not that most of the time. I am constantly at battle with the parts of me that lie in the darkness. I know that without the darkness there can be no recognition of the light. I am very much a yin/yang. A day by day journey of finding balance. & that is a journey in itself. I am working on making myself what I want to be.

I’m taking the steps to go further my education. I plan on getting more in depth on that front in the next few months. All will be laid out on the table & I will be expressing myself in this journey with a complete & candid honesty that for a long time, scared me, but instead.. I’m hoping it will inspire others who might be where I am. No worries, that will be all revealed soon. Stay tuned for that.

Point is.. make those steps in you want in the direction of change. It couldn’t tiny or big. It could be changing jobs, or moving… or something as simple as a haircut.

The choice is yours. & enjoy the journey.

going simple.

It is kind of a weird thing. I spent so much time being worried I couldn’t come up with posts that people would want to read that I stopped writing all together. I didn’t want that. I have come to the conclusion I should stop worrying about everyone else, & write for myself. Isn’t that the point?

This year has been a sort of turning point for me. Changes on a lot of fronts. I’ve decided to make firm steps to being healthier. I have lost about 29lbs, I’m training (slowly, due to medical issues) for a RunDisney 5K next year, I’ve changed my diet a lot, going for a mostly pescatarian/vegetarian lifestyle. & I am making changes in my personal life. Choosing to not keep the toxic, dead branches to cling to my tree; instead I’m cutting them loose so that new growth can occur. I’ve had several people out of my life & realized they were causing me to drown. I’m also learning to accept things about myself that I have struggled with. Like the fact I don’t always belong, or that I’m kind of an odd person. That being lonely is sometimes a state of mind that I have to deal with & that true growth comes from God & comes from within. These truths are paving the road ahead for me.

Most of all, I am trying to simplify my life. In all aspects. I have started decluttering my house, my life, my thoughts. I want a sanctuary in every sense of the word. Simplifying the stuff is a hard process, & slow. But I will get my house in order. It might just take some time. The rest will fall into place.

I am in a good place, overall. I am happily married. We are on a firm foundation & trust levels are high. I am still deeply in love. It is indeed a happy wife, happy life.

Happy is my goal. & I’m blooming towards it.